Tracker Bar (chocolate chip)
For my, much delayed, final lift dining experience I made a huge mistake.
The crunchy nature of this treat means that it is probably the least lift friendly food on the market at the moment.
One bite was enough for me to realise the error of my ways and I quickly shoved it back into my pocket.
I travelled the three floor journey alone, but was met by police on arrival at my floor. This post serves as my one phone call.
Thank you and goodbye.
Friday, 20th January - a bourbon biscuit.
I’ve broken my diet.
Fortunately it happened in a lift, out of sight of colleagues and friends.
It’s hard to talk about, safe to say I lapped up the bourbon cream in under two bites. With hindsight I should have savoured it, but hindsight isn’t full to he brim with sugar.
I travelled the three floors to the ground alone and with my head bowed.
On the bright side the bourbon biscuit is a handy lift snack.
I may invest in a vending machine for lifts, to deliver simple snacks like this, on demand.
Tuesday 17th January.
Pret a manger ‘Red pepper tapenade sandiwch’.
After nearly three weeks of no service the lift has finally been fixed.
Great news, I can at last eat my lunch in peace again.
Sadly, I am attempting a diet, this is the only explanation I have for celebrating this new lease of lift life with, what is effectively, a salad sandwich.
As a child I vowed never to eat tapenade in a lift, yet here I am a mere 40 years down the line smashing this promise into a million tiny pieces. The boy raised above a launderette in a suffolk market town would be ashamed.
An awkward eat, there is little holding the bread in place, as you can see from the picture above the top slice, or cap, is sliding away from the main event.
This would be bad news if you were sat at a table, in a lift it is a disaster.
I managed one bite, it was good. But this doesn’t make up for the ungainliness of the snack.
I will never eat this en ascenseur again.
A colleague met me at the top floor, unexpectedly, no mention was made of the tapenade on my chin.
Wednesday 14th December
A Snickers bar.
In my experience all chocolate bars are a safe snacking bet in any situation.
Little opportunity for mess and easily re-pocketed in the event of an unexpected guest.
However, you should be warned that there are circumstances where this is not the case.
Cold weather will often harden the chocolate making it brittle and likely to break off. Litter is therefore a consequence of the British winter. So always carry a plastic bag and / or gloves to aid in clearing up any mess.
Friday 9th December.
A Vegetable samosa
In a twist to my standard snacking routine I have opted for an early evening samosa.
This is, of course, a normal samosa eaten in the early evening. Nothing more and nothing less.
Greasy, so to be avoided ‘in lift’, but I’m in the office alone so am effectively above the law.
No mess. Solo journey.
Tuesday 29th November
This Inari is perhaps the ultimate lift snack. It is a tofu pouch! When combined with chopsticks we are looking at possibly the cleanest food that can legally be taken into a lift.
I’m very happy to have found this on my second attempt at sushi in a lift.
I travelled with two colleagues in the lift, over three floors.
We remain on good terms.
Monday 21st November.
A scotchless, scotch style vegetarian scotch egg.
Photo is a bit blurred as this was rushed. Eating something of this nature in a lift breaks at least three of the 17 golden rules of lift snacking.
In my haste I swallowed the vegetarian sausage layer too quickly.
But I think I got away with it, fortunately, as this is gross misconduct and should, rightly so, result in instant dismissal.
Miraculously no crumbs or litter were left at the scene.
I travelled alone.
Thursday 17th November.
A porkless pork style pie.
Pushing myself to actually eat something in the lift I’ve gone out on a limb with this vegetarian pork style pie.
The very crumbly crust makes this a no no for lift snacking. Also, a very dry product, a glass (or beaker) of water is a must.
NB: I did drop some pie crust but picked it up immediately.
Wednesday 16th November.
Whilst I never expected to be an advocate for eating sushi in a lift, it isn’t against the law so I gave it a go.
In fact, the snack sized nature of sushi makes it ideal for lift eating.
No residue. Chopsticks would have been perfect, but I forgot to pick them up in the shop.
Friday 11th November.
A breakfast staple, the Almond Croissant.
Are you crazy?
Foods of this ilk should only be eaten sitting down, with easy access to at least three napkins.
After taking this photograph I quickly replaced the croissant in its bag.
A solo journey, it lasted a long time.
No litter was left behind.